Statements to Revise: Make each of the following "show" rather than, as they do at present, merely "tell."  Consider what details the writers could use to follow up the general statement.  Use a different font or underline your responses so I can see the ways you are adding detail, concrete examples, and more specific word choices.


1.    I learned so many things from just being around him.






2.    That was a really neat experience for me.






3.    The whole atmosphere was really exciting.






4.    I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do or see all the things I wanted to see.






5.    I have a great family life.  We are so close and open with each other.






6.    I was doing typical stuff like working and hanging out with friends.






7.    I am enjoying college a lot.  I like meeting new people and getting involved with organizations that interest me.





8.    We also had time to bond with each other and find out things of one another.






9. College is so different from high school.  It's more of a challenge.